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December 27, 2006
he asked... why are you sad?
Last night, as we lay in bed, Miracle reached out and touched the tears on my face and asked, are you crying... and I said yes... and he asked me if I was sad... and I said yes... and he asked me why... and I said I don’t know.
Might seem like a simple thing. My baby brother is leaving on the World Race... a year-long journey that will take him to Mexico, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Peru, Argentina, South Africa, Swaziland, Kenya, India, Cambodia, China and Hong Kong...
But Miracle and I often reach beneath the obvious when we talk... and altho the obvious answer is that my baby brother is leaving and I’m scared... there's more to it than the obvious.
I know that God loves my baby brother more than I do, hard as that is to imagine... and I know he will be in God’s keeping all the way... that God has a plan and a purpose for Clinton’s life, and that Clinton, unlike so many of us, is giving his life over to that plan, following the path set before him...
And I am proud of him beyond words... I think of the rich young ruler who loved God and followed the law, and asked Jesus what more he could do... and Jesus answered him that he should sell all that he had and follow Jesus...but the young man walked away sadly because he had great wealth and couldn’t walk away from it.
These young people... my brother and the other World Racers... are sacrificially leaving all that they know behind them... the wealth of this world... security, home, family, friends, hot showers, an endless assortment of food, movies, television, electricity, cars, church, all the comforts of home, the things we take so for granted that we sometimes forget how blessed we are... they are leaving all that behind to head into the wilderness in small teams, carrying all that they have in packs upon their backs... not knowing in advance where they will be, how they will get there, what they will eat or where they will sleep... and they’re doing it all for love of Jesus.
I cry because I’m proud of him... I cry because I am afraid for him... I cry because my heart yearns to go yet I tell myself I am unable to go when the truth is I am unwilling to make that sacrifice or I would... I cry because I want him home, safe and sound, so that I know where he is and how he is...
My prayer is that God will keep him safe, and healthy... that he will be blessed abundantly in seeing the fruits of his labor for the Lord... that he will plant seeds where none now grow... that he will fertilize and tend to a crop planted by those who went before him... and that he will harvest crops lovingly planted and tended in anticipation of his arrival... I pray that he will have enough to eat and a safe place to sleep each night... that God will open hearts and doors ahead of him every step of the way, meeting every need, providing for every circumstance... that everywhere he will see God’s hand in all he beholds, in all he does... that he will find strength and wisdom, courage and delight, joy and peace, compassion and growth... that he will come away from this journey... this Great Commission... with his cup overflowing... I pray this for all the World Racers...
And I remind myself that his life is firmly in the hand of God... and so is mine... and that being the case, then we are in the same hand and never far apart.
My sadness is tempered with joy...
I love my little brother... my cup runneth over with love for him... and spills down my face as tears...
Posted by Spiderlillies at 12:28 PM | TrackBack